OK, a little humor...
What goes on in an elder meeting after the people deemed unfit to attend your church at a previous elder meeting leave? Seriously. Do people high five each other? Do they pat each other on the back? Do they congratulate the elder who leveled the most vicious attack against the people and say, "Wow, you were vicious like Jesus!"
Just wondering. :D
Friday, March 16, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
The Cardinal Rule
...of Calvinist churches in my area is "Say whatever you want about evangelicals, but don't ever say anything bad about other Calvinist churches, unless, of course, we think they are leaning too far towards evangelicalism."
I broke that rule this week. Publicly. On Facebook. For all my friends from our old church to see.
I don't think it went over too well.
As I looked at the few posts I've written so far, I saw that originally I hadn't wanted to say anything publicly about this. But the more I realize just what a horrible thing these churches are doing, the more I think maybe it's worth shaking things up a bit.
However, I realize that I can say what I want without getting snippy...like them.
I might make my next controversial post about the dance my kids will be participating in on Easter morning. No, not liturgical dance (honestly, I really am just not into it). Real, rock music video style dancing. It's gonna be great. Not the response to my post, the dance. My kids have danced for years, but never to music dedicated to glorifying God. It's great to see them dancing for Him.
Anyway, my goal is to actually learn how to deal with this entire situation without going back to my former self of piggish pride. That sort of attitude is promoted in the Calvinist churches in our area. Our new church believes that people respond to kindness more readily than vicious sarcasm. I know, who would think?
I broke that rule this week. Publicly. On Facebook. For all my friends from our old church to see.
I don't think it went over too well.
As I looked at the few posts I've written so far, I saw that originally I hadn't wanted to say anything publicly about this. But the more I realize just what a horrible thing these churches are doing, the more I think maybe it's worth shaking things up a bit.
However, I realize that I can say what I want without getting snippy...like them.
I might make my next controversial post about the dance my kids will be participating in on Easter morning. No, not liturgical dance (honestly, I really am just not into it). Real, rock music video style dancing. It's gonna be great. Not the response to my post, the dance. My kids have danced for years, but never to music dedicated to glorifying God. It's great to see them dancing for Him.
Anyway, my goal is to actually learn how to deal with this entire situation without going back to my former self of piggish pride. That sort of attitude is promoted in the Calvinist churches in our area. Our new church believes that people respond to kindness more readily than vicious sarcasm. I know, who would think?
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
You Become What You Hate
As I worked through my fruitless search yesterday for someone like me, someone who has left the Reformed church but is still a Calvinist, I found a whole lot of ex-Calvinists. I noticed they all had one thing in common, they sounded just like all the ex-Evangelicals around here. Angry. Hateful. Bitter.
They are angry at their Calvinist pastors for supposedly misleading them. They are hateful to anyone who still embraces Calvinism. They are bitter for the "wasted" years they spent as Calvinists. I shuddered. It was like listening to all the "ex-Baptists" around here talk about their former lives as Evangelicals. They hate people like Chuck Smith so much they've run him into the ground in our area and have cut off any possible communication between Calvinists and their families in Calvary Chapel. Angry ex-Evangelicals are what truly pushed Calvin out of CC Bible College. The bitterness they espouse from the pulpit, from the radio, etc., became so noxious that it helped no one, but drove a wedge between parties.
They all look like each other. A warning, to me. of what I have the potential to become. Will I be a hater or will I realize that the people in these churches just simply are as deceived as I was? It's hard when you keep hearing your friends bag on Evangelicals as if they are all the same. I'm so tired of reading their FB statuses that are puffed up with pride, lacking any sort of care for their brothers and sisters in Christ whom they accuse of either being deluded or being deceivers. Or, sadly, inferring that because those people don't believe the same as we, they are not even saved.
God have mercy on us for what we have allowed ourselves to become.
They are angry at their Calvinist pastors for supposedly misleading them. They are hateful to anyone who still embraces Calvinism. They are bitter for the "wasted" years they spent as Calvinists. I shuddered. It was like listening to all the "ex-Baptists" around here talk about their former lives as Evangelicals. They hate people like Chuck Smith so much they've run him into the ground in our area and have cut off any possible communication between Calvinists and their families in Calvary Chapel. Angry ex-Evangelicals are what truly pushed Calvin out of CC Bible College. The bitterness they espouse from the pulpit, from the radio, etc., became so noxious that it helped no one, but drove a wedge between parties.
They all look like each other. A warning, to me. of what I have the potential to become. Will I be a hater or will I realize that the people in these churches just simply are as deceived as I was? It's hard when you keep hearing your friends bag on Evangelicals as if they are all the same. I'm so tired of reading their FB statuses that are puffed up with pride, lacking any sort of care for their brothers and sisters in Christ whom they accuse of either being deluded or being deceivers. Or, sadly, inferring that because those people don't believe the same as we, they are not even saved.
God have mercy on us for what we have allowed ourselves to become.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Under Their Thumb
So I've been thinking a lot about why I feel like I must be the only person in the blogosphere (sp?) who has anything negative to say about Reformed churches in my area. As I've thought about people who have left our churches that we've attended over the past 20-ish years I realize they were mostly told the same thing..."You cannot speak of this to anyone." Using biblical texts that supposedly support their position Reformed churches silence opposition. It's hard, of course, to get anyone to tell you what they say to them, but I will tell you what I was told, coz, well, I suppose I'm stupid that way.
When one of our issues was finally dealt with I was reprimanded for talking to other people about the problem. Forget that I brought it up with an elder AND with a pastor. Not enough. Anyway, I can imagine what goes on in other meetings where the people are most likely threatened with a bad mark on their record if they breath a word of it. There have been some people who, if you ask, are not as silent and I might try to interview them at some future point but most of my close friends who left have said they weren't allowed to say anything. And so the disease continues and spreads and eventually more people are pushed out of the church.
I wonder, if one were to do, say, a personality assessment of those of us who have left, if one sort of personality is more likely to say something than another. What about personal history. I have a history of abuse. My parents were abusive and I have a fairly typical "abusee" mentality. I think it's how I tolerated things that bothered me in the Reformed church for so long.
But I have another part of me, my natural personality, that has a strong sense of justice. This sense is often suppressed when I am in an abusive relationship, for obvious reasons. Eventually something snaps and I walk...no, more like I run...away...quickly. However, I notice even now, like most abused people, I am inexorably drawn back toward it. If not for my children, I would probably have returned, or at least considered it more than for a fleeting moment.
All that said, I will do a more thorough search of the internet to see if there might be others out there who are as disgusted as I am and are willing to put their reputation on the line as a result. It's not an easy thing. Hell hath no fury like a neo-Calvinist who has been called out. (Hence the anonymity of this blog. Seriously.)
When one of our issues was finally dealt with I was reprimanded for talking to other people about the problem. Forget that I brought it up with an elder AND with a pastor. Not enough. Anyway, I can imagine what goes on in other meetings where the people are most likely threatened with a bad mark on their record if they breath a word of it. There have been some people who, if you ask, are not as silent and I might try to interview them at some future point but most of my close friends who left have said they weren't allowed to say anything. And so the disease continues and spreads and eventually more people are pushed out of the church.
I wonder, if one were to do, say, a personality assessment of those of us who have left, if one sort of personality is more likely to say something than another. What about personal history. I have a history of abuse. My parents were abusive and I have a fairly typical "abusee" mentality. I think it's how I tolerated things that bothered me in the Reformed church for so long.
But I have another part of me, my natural personality, that has a strong sense of justice. This sense is often suppressed when I am in an abusive relationship, for obvious reasons. Eventually something snaps and I walk...no, more like I run...away...quickly. However, I notice even now, like most abused people, I am inexorably drawn back toward it. If not for my children, I would probably have returned, or at least considered it more than for a fleeting moment.
All that said, I will do a more thorough search of the internet to see if there might be others out there who are as disgusted as I am and are willing to put their reputation on the line as a result. It's not an easy thing. Hell hath no fury like a neo-Calvinist who has been called out. (Hence the anonymity of this blog. Seriously.)
Sunday, March 4, 2012
The End of the Worship Wars
...For me, at least.
I grew up in the church. I've spent approximately 43 years worth of Sundays rising early while my friends slept in. Dressing up while my friends got into their swimsuits or other Sunday activity clothes. Driving to church while my friends went off to the mall. Singing praise to Christ while my friends indulged in football.
I point this out because it is those of us around this age, who grew up from birth, in the church, that seem to have become the most involved in the "worship wars." We seem to be the ones who have the biggest stake, so we think. On this side of things I have to wonder why.
Who decided that simply because a song was written after we were born it can't be worthy of use during a church service? Who decided that the electric guitar was demeaning to the worship of God, but the organ, easily the most obnoxious instrument on the planet, brought glory to God?
When we left the Reformed church it was difficult to attend the "contemporary" service at the Baptist church. While I knew some of the songs from listening to Christian radio (I know, *gasp*), the style of worship was never one I had been comfortable with. It was fine for a concert, I thought, but not for a church service.
As we've been there for several months now, and thought back to all the problems with the Reformed churches we've attended over the past 2 decades, we've come to the conclusion that the music is not the most important thing. And last night, for me at least, sealed it.
Last night I took my oldest to a special event at church. It was supposed to be for young people but there were a lot of middle aged folks there too (mostly parents, I assume). As the music began, even louder than at the contemporary service, and the words we were to sing flashed on the screen, it began to dawn on me that to think God was not being glorified simply because a guitar and drums were being used instead of an organ or a piano would be pretty conceited.
The words were incredibly worshipful and, while I can't speak to the heart of each individual worshiper, I'm sure that as many people were praising God from their heart in that congregation as could be in a hymn singing, organ listening, congregation.
The worship wars have divided the young and the old for far too many years. The desire to hold onto the past is not a sign of orthodoxy, it's simply a sign of stubbornness. While I probably will not switch to the 11:11 service (where they play louder music) over this, I don't have a problem with the church reaching the young through the means of their own style of music. There is an old adage in business, "lead, follow, or get out of the way." I think it's time for us to admit that by insisting on archaic worship practices (which, btw, I love--well, except the organ) we are "in the way." Yes, the gospel is enough, but, no, worship doesn't need to bore people to tears.
I grew up in the church. I've spent approximately 43 years worth of Sundays rising early while my friends slept in. Dressing up while my friends got into their swimsuits or other Sunday activity clothes. Driving to church while my friends went off to the mall. Singing praise to Christ while my friends indulged in football.
I point this out because it is those of us around this age, who grew up from birth, in the church, that seem to have become the most involved in the "worship wars." We seem to be the ones who have the biggest stake, so we think. On this side of things I have to wonder why.
Who decided that simply because a song was written after we were born it can't be worthy of use during a church service? Who decided that the electric guitar was demeaning to the worship of God, but the organ, easily the most obnoxious instrument on the planet, brought glory to God?
When we left the Reformed church it was difficult to attend the "contemporary" service at the Baptist church. While I knew some of the songs from listening to Christian radio (I know, *gasp*), the style of worship was never one I had been comfortable with. It was fine for a concert, I thought, but not for a church service.
As we've been there for several months now, and thought back to all the problems with the Reformed churches we've attended over the past 2 decades, we've come to the conclusion that the music is not the most important thing. And last night, for me at least, sealed it.
Last night I took my oldest to a special event at church. It was supposed to be for young people but there were a lot of middle aged folks there too (mostly parents, I assume). As the music began, even louder than at the contemporary service, and the words we were to sing flashed on the screen, it began to dawn on me that to think God was not being glorified simply because a guitar and drums were being used instead of an organ or a piano would be pretty conceited.
The words were incredibly worshipful and, while I can't speak to the heart of each individual worshiper, I'm sure that as many people were praising God from their heart in that congregation as could be in a hymn singing, organ listening, congregation.
The worship wars have divided the young and the old for far too many years. The desire to hold onto the past is not a sign of orthodoxy, it's simply a sign of stubbornness. While I probably will not switch to the 11:11 service (where they play louder music) over this, I don't have a problem with the church reaching the young through the means of their own style of music. There is an old adage in business, "lead, follow, or get out of the way." I think it's time for us to admit that by insisting on archaic worship practices (which, btw, I love--well, except the organ) we are "in the way." Yes, the gospel is enough, but, no, worship doesn't need to bore people to tears.
Friday, February 24, 2012
The Beginning of the End
So, the subtitle of my blog is How I became a closet Calvinist in a Baptist Church. I think I'll post a little bit about the beginnings. Had I foreseen the consequences of these fateful decisions...I probably would have made them a whole lot sooner.
I suppose it started with the birth of our last child. In fact, I tell my friends and older children that perhaps that is why God did not open our eyes sooner, He was waiting until we had our last child so he could be baptized and I'd have one less thread of guilt. ;) At any rate, after our last child was born we made a concerted effort to get to all services at church. There was no problem at first. It was as I had left it before my pregnancy, and so was I. The attitude, the sarcasm, the feelings of superiority, the judgementalism.
Then it hit. What? Hell, that's what. There's no other way to describe what happened in my family but Hell. The first thing I did was call the pastor of our church. I believe I've mentioned that before. Fat lot of good that did. Nary a second of follow up. Not a call, not an email, nothing. Oh, there was a compassionate look the following Sunday, but beyond that nada. At first I returned to the teaching received at the first Reformed church we attended: The pastor is busy. Don't bother him with your personal problems. It would take almost 2 more years, and whole lot more Hell, before it finally dawned on me that in a church of around 50 professing adult members (less than that as regular attenders), the pastor ought to have at least time for a phone call to suffering members of his congregation.
TBC...coz I have housework to do and my teenager is shirking his chores...again. :D
I suppose it started with the birth of our last child. In fact, I tell my friends and older children that perhaps that is why God did not open our eyes sooner, He was waiting until we had our last child so he could be baptized and I'd have one less thread of guilt. ;) At any rate, after our last child was born we made a concerted effort to get to all services at church. There was no problem at first. It was as I had left it before my pregnancy, and so was I. The attitude, the sarcasm, the feelings of superiority, the judgementalism.
Then it hit. What? Hell, that's what. There's no other way to describe what happened in my family but Hell. The first thing I did was call the pastor of our church. I believe I've mentioned that before. Fat lot of good that did. Nary a second of follow up. Not a call, not an email, nothing. Oh, there was a compassionate look the following Sunday, but beyond that nada. At first I returned to the teaching received at the first Reformed church we attended: The pastor is busy. Don't bother him with your personal problems. It would take almost 2 more years, and whole lot more Hell, before it finally dawned on me that in a church of around 50 professing adult members (less than that as regular attenders), the pastor ought to have at least time for a phone call to suffering members of his congregation.
TBC...coz I have housework to do and my teenager is shirking his chores...again. :D
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
The Church of the Poisoned Mind
I've decided that churches should come with warning labels; that way people would be able to tell, before even entering the door, whether or not they'd be welcome there. Take our last church, for instance, (really, take it, I beg you)...it could have a label that says, To God's infallible and inspired Word we add the doctrine of American Conservatism. If you are not conservative enough for us in politics and dress we will have you in for a chat with our elders. See, if they'd had that label somewhere on their website or the door to the entrance, we never would have bothered. Think of all the time we'd have saved.
Here's a label most Reformed churches in our area could all put on their door, "If doctrine is not more important to you than even Godly living, you will never belong here." Look, I love doctrine. I understand its importance. My favorite books are theological books. I read Ursinus' Commentary on the Heidelberg to my kids for fun and buy my kids Joel Beeke books on CD for Christmas.I LOVE theology. But in our area, head knowledge is King. Heart knowledge is considered relatively worthless. I'll admit the last church we attended was much better on this, it's just that when they combined American Conservatism to their doctrine it became a nasty situation. Apparently we weren't the first people to leave over it either.
I understand that we all add something to our Christianity. I teach my kids that it is pretty much the biggest problem all churches have. But I have come to the conclusion that if that added thing detracts from compassion and love for others, it's the spot where I must draw the line. Without compassion and love we become brash and judgmental. Having been at the receiving end of church leaders who felt it their duty to judge then thrash, I can see now why this over-emphasis on doctrine is bad. Christ said to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind. He didn't say, Love God with your mind more than your heart. Or, it's more important to make sure you have your doctrine straight than it is to love God. It's all equally important. I wonder, now, though, if he said "heart" first because he knew our nature. It is soooooo much easier to have "sound doctrine" than to show compassion. There is no risk in having your theology straight. Just ask the devil. He knows it all. Hasn't helped him one bit.
Here's a label most Reformed churches in our area could all put on their door, "If doctrine is not more important to you than even Godly living, you will never belong here." Look, I love doctrine. I understand its importance. My favorite books are theological books. I read Ursinus' Commentary on the Heidelberg to my kids for fun and buy my kids Joel Beeke books on CD for Christmas.I LOVE theology. But in our area, head knowledge is King. Heart knowledge is considered relatively worthless. I'll admit the last church we attended was much better on this, it's just that when they combined American Conservatism to their doctrine it became a nasty situation. Apparently we weren't the first people to leave over it either.
I understand that we all add something to our Christianity. I teach my kids that it is pretty much the biggest problem all churches have. But I have come to the conclusion that if that added thing detracts from compassion and love for others, it's the spot where I must draw the line. Without compassion and love we become brash and judgmental. Having been at the receiving end of church leaders who felt it their duty to judge then thrash, I can see now why this over-emphasis on doctrine is bad. Christ said to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind. He didn't say, Love God with your mind more than your heart. Or, it's more important to make sure you have your doctrine straight than it is to love God. It's all equally important. I wonder, now, though, if he said "heart" first because he knew our nature. It is soooooo much easier to have "sound doctrine" than to show compassion. There is no risk in having your theology straight. Just ask the devil. He knows it all. Hasn't helped him one bit.
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